The Leisure Review: high ground

High Ground edition 1; dateline 3 December 2010

An alternative view of the Scottish sport, leisure and culture landscape from our latest regular columnist, McSideliner

Greetings from North Britain
“Well, hello there,” as Heather the Weather, our weather woman on BBC Scotland, always used to greet us. A warm welcome from the frozen north and to a new column giving an, at times, icy perspective on all things sport and culture (same thing to me) north of the border. I come from a land of contrasts which I love most of the time, the contrasts that is. I thought I’d opt for a tartan montage rather than a single, coherent article and so this is a colourful piece; well mostly black actually.

Wasting energy on the men in black
Here is a fact you may not know about Scotland: we have just upped our national renewable energy targets because we have exceeded the existing ones already. Don’t you just wish we could do that for our sport targets, eh? We are now looking at generating 80% of our energy from renewable sources by 2020. So that’s great news. We might not have as much demand, however, if the Scottish football referees’ industrial action continues as floodlights will be redundant at grounds across the country. Back in the good news column is that the amount of energy generated by media and punters talking about it could be harnessed and sold to other countries. Every country has football refereeing debates but we have managed to take it to a new level; perhaps not in a South American sense, if what you read about the life of a referee there is true, but, then again, our officials have reported receiving death threats. There is perhaps a darker undercurrent to the Scottish situation, the old chestnut of sectarianism. The original incident which sparked off the brouhaha here was a decision during a match involving one half of the Old Firm and, since then, a whole bunch of stuff, some related and some maybe not, has come into the argument. So now we have conspiracy theories, accusations of bias towards teams that represent sections of the Scottish community and indeed of wider bias. Former cabinet ministers bringing the tough edge of big politics into the parallel universe that is football? Who said sport and politics doesn’t mix? Should have gone to Specsavers...

More men in black
Just when I thought it was safe to uncover my eyes, it was time to get back behind the sofa again as New Zealand RFU rolled into town, fresh from dispatching England. I took my son, a keen mini-rugby player, and the rest of the family to Murrayfield full of hope only to witness our heaviest defeat and, in my son’s words, a “whamming” from the All Blacks. Apparently Ian McGeechan once said that the All Blacks were simply Scotsman who had learned how to win. It’s maybe not as straightforward as that, Geech – I think the identity issue is a wee bit more complex – but there were two interesting moments during the wholly one-sided and, as such, dull match that speak about the identity issue. First, we were seated behind the posts and every time the All Blacks converted a try, a young Kiwi guy stood up, took a set of bagpipes out and played various Highland tunes. At first I was intrigued by the mixing of identities but I must confess that by the time the umpteenth conversion had gone over I wasn’t quite so sure we weren’t being dissed. Ah, losing like we did is hard to take. I was close to seeking a vuvuzela-style stadium ban for the bagpipes by the time the eighty minutes were up. The highlight of the day and the second identity crisis moment came after the match when we saw a small crowd of twenty-somethings huddled round a mobile phone camera and in the frame were two guys in kilts and rugby tops. My life partner was about to steer the children away from a potential Braveheart flash photo moment, when a double-take revealed that the two guys were in fact Maoris clad in the silver fern and in Scotland’s national dress, about to perform an indigenous haka. These boys were the real deal, all tattoos and tongues out, and closer than the Beeb’s cameramen ever get. The kids loved it and it made everyone’s day. I know rugby has been playing fast and loose with national identity in selection but now it seems even the fans are at it! Never mind, there was always the next game, against the world champions and the number two team on the planet. So no point in going to that one then; that’s child cruelty. We even missed the game on TV except for the last four minutes. Lucky white heather anyone? Oh, and by the way, I’ve met some nice South Africans, and pleasant Kiwis too.

Even more men in black - Audit Scotland lands
Unlike the Audit Commission, our equivalent is very much alive and kicking and recently published on behalf of the Audit Commission (huh?) the catchily titled Physical Recreation Services in Local Government report (JK Rowling watch out). This gives us some real juicy bits of ‘hold the front page’ info, such as the nuggets that: councils spend a fair whack on recreation services but struggle a bit to measure the impact of it; leisure trusts formed mainly from previous facility management operations tend to have more information on their customers in leisure centres and pools – the only two statutory performance indicators – as they pass, literally in some cases, through the turnstiles than they do about other types of local authority and voluntary club settings; and, mustn’t forget, there are lots of volunteers providing opportunities out there. Gripping stuff and actually there is an opportunity to get some debate going on the back of this in later issues I think.

Keep warm, everybody, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all

Slainte Mhath*

McSideliner

*Good health, apparently