The Leisure Review: Row Z

Row Z edition 80; dateline 8 October 2013

Trust me I’m a doctor; nearly
The assiduous reader will recall a brief note we included in a past Row Z concerning the aggravation and expense being caused to British University and Colleges Sport (BUCS) by medical schools. The issue it seems is that the transposition of our universities from academia to the commercial sector has meant quaint little medical schools have been sucked into the maw of the ravening beast that is third-tier education; but nobody told the medics. BUCS, you will recall, want to stop the sons and daughters of privilege now studying medicine from cheating at games and playing for two different institutions at one sport. Faced with what seems to us a fairly reasonable choice, the denizens of St Barts, St Neots (?) and, notably, Cardiff University School of Medicine have risen as one, probably with college scarves thrown over one shoulder and tweed-swathed loins girded, to say they are not best pleased. One institution (it was the aforementioned Welsh, naturally) have even mounted a legal challenge to the BUCS modus operandi and, with BUCS fixtures imminent, the farrago seems set to run and run. BUCS have issued a lengthy media release on the issue reassuring everyone that “we’ll have no trouble here”* which saved its best line till the last: “No further comment will be made by BUCS on this matter.” Really, mate? Really?

*qv League of Gentlemen – another comedy about small-minded, inbred people.

The home of the jock celebrates empty accolade
And why we’re dandling our feet in the murky waters of academe, what to make of the latest accolade to find its way to Loughborough University, alma mater of such sporting greats as Sebastian Coe, Tanni Grey-Thompson and The Leisure Review’s own Mick Owen? It seems that not only have CIMPSA chosen to locate its head office in one of the East Midlands least prepossessing of towns (and let’s be fair, that makes it pretty damn unprepossessing) but one of Rupert Murdoch’s organs has chosen to call “Lufbra” the University of the Year for Sport via The Times Good University Guide 2014. The judging process must be an onerous one given that the prize is given to the university “gaining the most points in each of The Times’ three criteria – success in the British Universities and Colleges Sport (BUCS) championship, in cup competitions and in individual performances in non-team sports.” This in other words is the HEI which finishes top of the BUCS table, which in every year bar one since its inception has been Loughborough. According to the revered Peter Keen, who now lives in semi-retirement as director of sport at Loughborough, the victory was achieved because “at Loughborough we just get sport, and play it more than anywhere else”. But that’s not the real reason, is it Peter? The real reason is that you pay people to play for you and call their wages bursaries; and you “just get” more money than any of the other former polytechnics currently buying their way to BUCS pre-eminence to do so.

The Leisure Review Christmas conference revised and revealed
Every year since Adam was a lad the editor of The Leisure Review (still Jonathan Ives despite all the complaints) has invited a few colleagues and friends to join him for a Christmas drink. In the days of ILAM, when he ran The Leisure Manager magazine, he would claim the event was “valuable networking” and claim his travel back. Now he works with us there is no pot to piss in let alone one to dip into for baksheesh but that does not stop him issuing his annual invitation. Owing to a combination of his intolerance of uninteresting people and what he has been known to call the “usual disregard for our own internal deadlines”, not very many people ever come and most of us feel that it is none the worse for that. This year, however, thanks in part to the added vim of our brand new mystery health correspondent, the editor has not only set a date three months in advance but he has also taken steps to expand the day’s activities to include the sort of stuff that ILAM would have called a “study tour” and charged £30 for; he has also let people know it is happening. Among those informed have been CIMSPA and CcLOA (their extra ‘C’, our deliberately obtuse typography) and their enthusiasm for the event has been touching. CcLOA will be including the TLR Christmas conference on their list of regional events, even though they have been fully apprised of the realities of the occasion, while CHIMPSA headquarters are carefully considering whether the invitation to attend such an event should be passed on to their relevant region. Readers of The Leisure Review can short-circuit this process by noting the following: The Leisure Review Christmas Conferencing Tour of Oxford will take place on Thursday 19 December, with further details of the itinerary and joining instructions published nearer the time; bicycles optional, dress likewise. If nostalgia for the days of ILAM, and the accompanying memories of regional socials, nylon ties and chains of office, leaves you with a yearning to send someone a cheque for thirty quid, please feel free to send one to us but there is really no need.

Matching excuses
We note with a wry smile the words of the editor of the quite wonderful Sport and Activity Link on the vexed subject of Sportsmatch, the wheeze that was supposed to generate oodles more business sponsorship but doesn’t. She writes: “This government funded programme has been closed since the end of March 2013; Sport England saying they were carrying out a review. I keep looking each week for any information – I might crack and ask soon!” We say why wait, lets ask now. Oi, Sport England! Sportsmatch! What’s occurring?

Beer today, gone tomorrow?
It may surprise the new reader to learn that Sideliner has long been a member of the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) and is currently involved in a hard-fought campaign to keep that august organisation’s member communications on paper. CAMRA, in the opinion of many, is an archaic and indeed creaking edifice with a relevance long since lost and its monthly news sheet What’s Brewing is a fine metaphor for this which needs to stay, we believe, in its 20th century format. Their October edition is a classic of its genre, from the front-page lead on some dusty report or other (which claims, among other things, that, despite the amount of cask beer being sold falling, “cask ale continues to grow in importance”) to the unfunny and overlong cartoon on the back page. The rag – and we use this term affectionately – also contains links to websites which won’t open and a letter from a member who popped along to his local branch meeting – it was in Altrincham – only to be ignored completely and then to see his letter answered by the branch chairman with the line “having looked at the minutes it is true that Chris was present”; so at least he’s not a liar as well as an interloper in what was “a branch meeting rather than a social”.

Sideliner