The Leisure Review: World of Leisure

Saturday 1 December
Hugh Laurie is to lead another star-strewn vehicle for US television, starring as Blackbeard, while the BBC is looking at turning its historic dramatic attention to working-class Manchester. And a script for an epic drama on Napoleon by has been unearthed in the archives of the late Anthony Burgess. And the Dandy is to go digital after 75 years. Andrew Flintoff survives his first professional boxing bout to win on points. England’s rugby team seems to have beaten the unbeatable All Blacks, confounding almost all predictions and expert opinion.

Sunday 2 December
The Commons public accounts committee says that Amazon, Google and Starbucks have been immoral in their avoidance of tax; and they are critical of HMRC for letting them get away with it. The chief exec of Live Nation UK, John Probyn, says that 2012 has been the toughest year on record for the music industry. David Beckham ends his career at the LA Galaxy (the definite article is definitely required) with a cup final victory. The Pope hosts an audience for circus performers, inviting us all to insert our own jokes into the story, and another German, the chief exec of Borussia Dortmund, is scornful of the English model of rich men buying football clubs; all German clubs bar a few exceptions are majority-owned by fans.

Monday 3 December
Here we go: the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant. It is estimated by people who reckon they know about these things that the UK is losing £1.6 billion a year from companies such as Amazon avoiding VAT on their UK sales; this could have paid for the Olympics in five or six years. The Scouts and Guides are considering introducing a secular oath, allowing those of no faith to join the youthful, uniformed, Baden-Powell-based jollities. As if desperate to demonstrate The Leisure Review’s understanding of PR*, Starbucks decides this is the occasion to announce that it is to cut the pay and terms of employment of its staff [*many see ‘PR’ and read ‘public relations’; at TLR Towers we use the medical definition: ‘per rectum’]. Andrew Dixon, chief executive of Creative Scotland, finally reacts to months of criticism from the Scottish arts community and hands in his notice. Rupert Murdoch is to close his online-only newspaper, The Daily, after losing $30 million a year for a couple of years, thus leaving The Leisure Review with a clear field in which to ply its trade and make its millions. The Louvre opens its latest outpost in Lens in northern France on the site of an old coal mine. Meanwhile, it seems that the mother of the former prime minister of Greece has $550 million in a Swiss bank account; where could it have come from? Greg LeMond, still the only American to have won the Tour de France, says he is prepared to stand for the presidency of the UCI in an effort to unseat McQuaid and Verbruggen.

Tuesday 4 December
Conflict in the world of Opera as La Scala in Milan, faced with the 200th anniversary of the birth of both Wagner and Verdi, decides to put the German on first in the programme in preference to the local boy. Turner prize winner Elizabeth Price says that were she starting out now her artistic career would not have survived the education process. The National Audit Office says that the £9 billion cost of the Olympics was money well spent but highlighted the need for leadership if the promise of legacy is to be realised. The Charles Dickens museum in Bloomsbury, London reopens after a £3-million restoration. A survey by the Office for National Statistics shows that household spending is dropping but spending on leisure has increased, including the doubling of spending on “spectator sports”. David Sparkes, the apparently waterproof and fireproof chief executive of British Swimming, says he is “trying to set up a meeting” with Rebecca Adlington, who has been candidly outspoken about the shortcomings of swimming governing body’s approach to coaching.

Wednesday 5 December
In case anyone was wondering about the chancellor’s abilities, he chooses December to make his autumn statement, which turns out to be a powerfully emetic exercise in gloating at the front bench’s indifference to the economic hardships being experienced by everyone apart from their own social circles; meanwhile the LibDems continue to justify their ministerial baubles by claiming it would have been worse without their influence, prompting many to wonder how much worse it could be. Kraftwerk announce that they are to perform their full back catalogue of albums on successive nights at Tate Modern; cue switchboard meltdown. Skyfall is now the UK’s highest grossing film, taking the box office record in just 40 days of business. Frankie Dettori is banned for six months after a positive test and Jazz pioneer Dave Brubeck dies at the age of 91.

Thursday 6 December
Oh good: it seems that the first action of quite a few of those elected to the newly created post of police commissioner is to appoint a shedload of deputies and assistants on impressive salaries; Northampton now has four assistant commissioners on 65 grand each. Angela Carter’s Nights at the Circus is named the best winner of the James Tait Black memorial prize, Britain’s oldest literary prize. Cineworld, the owner of multiplexes around the country, has acquired Picturehouse, a chain of arthouse cinemas catering for a notably different sector of the market. Starbucks says that it is prepared to pay £10 million tax on its annual profits as a gesture of good will; coming soon, burglars offering to return 5% of their swag. In Cuba authorities are trying to stamp out a form of music, dubbed ‘reggaeton’, that is apparently threatening traditional Cuban music. Sport England’s participation figures apparently show a record increase in adults taking part in sport, thanks, they say, to the Olympics, but there is no significant increase in 16- to 25-year-olds getting busy since the last Active People figures.

Friday 7 December
Eyes down at the Treasury for a triple-dip recession, while the prime minister, inspired by the example of CIMSPA (according to CIMSPA), is looking at a chartered body to regulate the press. The X Factor limps on but the dwindling revenues are likely to prompt more alarm with the production team than the falling ratings. At the Hermitage in St Petersburg prosecutors are wondering whether the exhibition of the Chapman brothers’ End of Fun makes the museum liable to a charge of ‘extremism’. GB Taekwondo says that it remains keen to work with Aaron Cook, even though the man they overlooked for an Olympic place is planning to find a new nation to represent.

Saturday 8 December
It seems that the youth of Britain may be showing early signs of moving away from the cultural wonders of getting hammered; statistics show a continuing decline in alcohol consumption, particularly among students. Having spent £500,000 on getting rid of feral cats on Ascension Island, British ornithologists are delighted to report that two breeding pairs of the Ascension frigatebird have been spotted on the island.

Sunday 9 December
Remember the story of the dodgy submarines purchased by the Ministry of Defence? They are now committing a further £3 billion (which will no doubt become £10 billion in the blink of an eye) to put them right; or right-ish. Meanwhile the Ashmolean in Oxford launches a campaign to raise £2.25 million to acquire the Fox-Talbot archive, which records the work of the man dubbed “the father of photography”. The BBC is gearing up for next year’s centenary of Dylan Thomas’s birth and it seems that the now-defunct British Empire and Commonwealth Museum in Bristol may have sold off a number of items that were in fact on loan. Sir John Armitt, former chairman of the Olympic Delivery Authority, says that major infrastructure projects should be more like the Olympics in terms of their management. The FA launches an inquiry after a coin is thrown from the crowd during the Manchester derby; Rio Ferdinand is hit on the head. Paula Radcliffe says she is “desperate” to run next year. Sir Patrick Moore dies at the age of 89.

Monday 10 December
Research looking at women in the theatre shows that more women than men buy theatre tickets but women remain under-represented in the theatrical world, including among the ranks of writers and directors. The attorney general applies to quash the verdicts of the original Hillsborough inquests, opening the way for a new inquest after the recent report highlighted the many and flagrant shortcomings of the police involved in the disaster. The chancellor’s autumn/winter statement will mean a further £11 million in cuts for English cultural organisations, the Treasury has told the Arts Council. Judge Henry Blacksell notes the artistic skills of three graffiti artists charged with conspiracy to commit criminal damage but bangs them up anyway. Lord Ousley, chairman of the Kick It Out campaign, says that football has wasted a year in hypocrisy over its reaction to racism within the game. Alex Moulton, engineer, designer and bicycle pioneer, dies aged 92.

Tuesday 11 December
Census figures show that – surprise, surprise – the UK is a slightly different place now than it used to be. However, it is still a place where the Spice Girls have a musical based on their musical output; Viva Forever! is unveiled to a world that did not know it was waiting for it. In not totally unrelated news, the Victoria and Albert Museum’s new exhibition will chart 50 years of theatrical photography. Could standing be on its way back to top-flight football in the UK? Inspector Knacker says that she could be persuaded but it would have to be very persuasive persuasion.

Wednesday 12 December
It seems that the UK is a world-leader in mobile web use; 18- to 24-year-olds are leading this field. The inquiry into the scale of Sir Jimmy Savile’s abuse of minors is considering allegations relating to 31 rapes. The closing ceremony of the Olympic Games topped the annual television viewing figures, with 24.3 million tuning in; the much better opening ceremony is at number two with only 300,000 fewer watching it. The school measurement programme finds that one third of children are overweight by the time they leave primary school. Ravi Shankar, the Indian classical music specialist, dies aged 92.

Thursday 13 December
Wlodzimierz Umaniec, the man who daubed a graffito on a Rothko at Tate Modern, is jailed for two years. It seems that the culture secretary is being investigated by the parliamentary standards watchdog; something to do with her claims for expenses on a house that her parents live in. Britain has slipped two places on the European league of living standards; it is now at six. The Public Catalogue Foundation says that it has completed its task of putting online images of every publicly owned painting in the UK. An international research project has found that life expectancy around the world has risen – by 11 years for men and 12 for women – but mental and physical health problems have also grown. Ah: it seems that Wiggo does in fact fancy another crack at the Tour, which could cause some disquiet among his team-mates; well, Froomey, anyway.

Friday 14 December
Prince Charles has an estate worth £700 million and it seems that there has been a difference of opinion regarding the tax liabilities it incurs. The biggest retail weekend of the year beckons but the sale signs are being hastily put in windows across the country. Mürren in Switzerland reckons that it is where skiing was invented and that it happened 100 years ago. In the US gun control is temporarily put back to the top of the political agenda owing to another automatic-weapon-enabled slaughter.

Saturday 15 December
Julia Donaldson says that she and the BBC were worried about “keeping it real” for the television debut of The Room on the Broom. Manchester is a city with 153 languages, making it one of the most linguistically diverse cities on Earth. QPR win a match; few people outside Shepherds Bush pay much attention.

Sunday 16 December
Wiggo wins The Big One: BBC sports personality of the year. Dave Brailsford is coach of the year and the Little Baron wins a lifetime achievement award but no one mentions his dalliance on the dojo with the foreign secretary. A raft of Geordie art achievers publish a letter condemning the decision of Newcastle city council to axe its cultural budget in its entirety. In Preston there is a move to save the bus station before it is knocked down, while in the Garden Museum in London has acquired a portrait of a black gardener, the first among the many portraits in its collection. Hauser and Wirth, a celebrated commercial gallery, is to open an outpost in Shepton Mallet.

Monday 17 December
The Sport and Recreation Alliance says that the proposed Ebacc school qualification is a threat to the Olympic legacy, ignoring mystified whispers, later traced to the TLR office, saying, “What legacy?” Members of the Heythrop Hunt, based in Chipping Norton, are fined for hunting with dogs following a prosecution by the RSPCA; the huntsmen show all the contrition of Eric Pickles after lunch. The Hobbit is breaking box office records in the USA while the England men’s cricket team win a series in India, the first since the 1980s. Chris Froome furrows his brow still further and insists that he has been assured by his team that he is the main man for the 2013 Tour; start the clock.

Tuesday 18 December
The Queen attends cabinet and, having been given a set of table mats as a jubilee gift, looks understandably miffed throughout. The CPS issues advice to tweeters who may find themselves looking at a libel suit: delete the tweet, apologise, keep your head down. Instagram tries to appropriate the copyright of its millions of users, prompting something of an digital exodus. At La Scala in Milan there is a walkout of dancers and chorus members prior to the opening night of the ballet season; a dispute over payments to the chorus for singing on stage is the cause. UK Sport announces its four-year spending plans, which include the removal of funding for table tennis, wrestling, handball, basketball and indoor volleyball; 35 other sports have their pre-Rio funding increased but swimming, boxing, fencing and judo receive reduced awards and are told to sort themselves out.

Wednesday 19 December
Doreen Lawrence says that the current government has ignored the issue of equality and squandered the advances made in race relations by her campaign on behalf of her murdered son, Stephen, the Macpherson inquiry and the London Olympics. It seems that the case against Andrew Mitchell MP, formerly Tory chief whip, is not quite as clear as Inspector Knacker suggests. The 1990 inquest verdict on the Hillsborough disaster is officially quashed. Communities secretary Eric Pickles is warned that some local authorities could go bust under the government’s current policies; he doesn’t seem to mind.

Thursday 20 December
The government has bowed to public pressure and withdrawn the Port of Dover from sale; it seems that the prospect of Dover being owned by the local authority of Calais might have been too jagged a pill for the back benches to swallow. The NHS says that two thirds of men in England are overweight, while it seems that an argument between Jezzer Hunt and Michael Gove, health and education secretaries respectively, is holding up a £100-million government scheme to secure Olympic legacy in schools.

Friday 21 December
It seems that the Mayan calendar finished yesterday for other reasons than the end of the world. The British Museum puts a 500-year-old gold reliquary on display, an item discovered by four-year-old James Hyatt. The Vatican is to cool and vacuum visitors queuing for the Sistine chapel, while in Bethleham they are reporting record tourism numbers. It seems Ken Bates has made £32 million out of selling Leeds United.

Saturday 22 December
Benefits cuts will drive up the crime rate, say the notoriously off-message advisers to the work and pensions secretary. The Coachella music festival is afloat on a cruise ship, including headliners Pulp. In the Middle East artists are reporting a renewed enthusiasm for censorship among new regimes. On Planet Football Steve McClaren reckons he would like a job with the FA heading up coach development; and so would we.

Sunday 23 December
The Queen’s Christmas message will be broadcast by Sky in 3D, presumably to give it some kind of depth. The Hillsborough fundraising song is number one for Christmas.

Monday 24 December, Christmas and beyond…
The head of the Royal Navy’s submarine programme confirms that the new, highly expensive fleet of subs is flawed. In Turkey there is a trend for hair transplants on one’s face to create the ’tashe of Turkish dreams. The Twisted Wheel club in Manchester, birthplace of Northern Soul, is to be developed as residential property. The new year’s honours list will include knighthoods for Bradley Wiggins and Dave Brailsford, along with a full-scale rash of gongs for other Olympians, but Gerry Sutcliffe, former sports minister, says there are not enough for Paralympians; oh, and there is a CBE for Tracey Emin to mark the death of her credibility as an artist. Leaders of a number of northern cities warn the government that cuts to public services and benefits will bring civil unrest in their wake. Meanwhile the BBC is to air a new series of Wodehouse adaptations; this time it is Blandings. The author of a government report on the levels of school sports participation has been made redundant which will mean his report won’t see the light of day for a further six months, which is a bit of luck for the government that sacked him. It seems that Downing Street has a “behavioural insight team” and that this team has found a positive correlation between unemployed people looking for work and providing them with creative writing courses. Someone wants to build a golf course right by the Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland, prompting an outcry. In Sweden an Abba museum opens, including plenty of memorabilia from the band members themselves. Paris’s new £300-million opera house is a project spiralling out of control, according to cultural commentators counting the overspend. Skyfall is the UK’s first £100 million film. Michael Gove says that the design of schools has no impact on the performance of inmates, sorry, pupils and students. Rail fares make rail travel a luxury, say campaigners, while the Prince’s Trust has undertaken research that suggests half of unemployed young people feel depressed. In the Ivory Coast a New Year’s eve firework display in a stadium results in a crush that kills 60 people. In Leeds Bramley Baths opens for its first year of operation under the management of a community group. Cricketing legends Tony Greig and Christopher Martin-Jenkins die, aged 66 and 67 respectively. Thunderbirds creator Gerry Anderson dies aged 83.