The Leisure Review: World of Leisure

Monday 24 December, Christmas and beyond…
The head of the Royal Navy’s submarine programme confirms that the new, highly expensive fleet of subs is flawed. In Turkey there is a trend for hair transplants on one’s face to create the ’tashe of Turkish dreams. The Twisted Wheel club in Manchester, birthplace of Northern Soul, is to be developed as residential property. The new year’s honours list will include knighthoods for Bradley Wiggins and Dave Brailsford, along with a full-scale rash of gongs for other Olympians, but Gerry Sutcliffe, former sports minister, says there are not enough for Paralympians; oh, and there is a CBE for Tracey Emin to mark the death of her credibility as an artist. Leaders of a number of northern cities warn the government that cuts to public services and benefits will bring civil unrest in their wake. Meanwhile the BBC is to air a new series of Wodehouse adaptations; this time it is Blandings. The author of a government report on the levels of school sports participation has been made redundant which will mean his report won’t see the light of day for a further six months, which is a bit of luck for the government that sacked him. It seems that Downing Street has a “behavioural insight team” and that this team has found a positive correlation between unemployed people looking for work and providing them with creative writing courses. Someone wants to build a golf course right by the Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland, prompting an outcry. In Sweden an Abba museum opens, including plenty of memorabilia from the band members themselves. Paris’s new £300-million opera house is a project spiralling out of control, according to cultural commentators counting the overspend. Skyfall is the UK’s first £100 million film. Michael Gove says that the design of schools has no impact on the performance of inmates, sorry, pupils and students. Rail fares make rail travel a luxury, say campaigners, while the Prince’s Trust has undertaken research that suggests half of unemployed young people feel depressed. In the Ivory Coast a New Year’s eve firework display in a stadium results in a crush that kills 60 people. In Leeds Bramley Baths opens for its first year of operation under the management of a community group. Cricketing legends Tony Greig and Christopher Martin-Jenkins die, aged 66 and 67 respectively. Thunderbirds creator Gerry Anderson dies aged 83.

Wednesday 2 January
A graphic novel, Dotter of her Father’s Eyes, wins the biography section of the Costa book prize, the first time a graphic work has won a section in the competition. British theatre director David Cecil has had charges against him relating to the staging of a play about homosexuality dropped by a Ugandan court. The UK digital download market is now worth £1 billion a year, with the overall home entertainment market in 2012 worth £4.2 billion, a decline of 12% on the previous year. Jean Michel Jarre – a Frenchman! – says he is not actually seeking tax exile in the UK but he is talking about a bit of work here.

Thursday 3 January
LiveNation, the biggest live music promoter in the world, is talking to the London Legacy Development Corporation about using the Olympic stadium for concerts. London Zoo gets on with its annual stock take. West Ham winger Matt Jarvis is on the cover of Attitude magazine, following in the stud marks of Becks and Freddie Ljungberg, while in Italy Milan’s players walk off the pitch during a friendly against Pro Patria after racist abuse from the stands.

Friday 4 January
Anti-gambling campaigners say that gaming companies are targeting poor areas, ruining lives in pursuit of profits. The Guides are said to be considering the future of the oath to Queen and God for its recruits. A flat-pack rowing boat designed by the Scottish Fisheries Museum in Fife is flying off the shelves as communities around the coast of Scotland and as far away as Australia discover the joy of building their own boat and racing against neighbours. Silvio Berlusconi, president of Milan FC and noted practitioner of divisive, incendiary and pot-kettle political tactics, says he would support his players taking a stand against racial abuse in the future.

Saturday/Sunday 5/6 January
Oxford’s (and Newcastle’s) very own Inspector Lewis is to have a new sidekick in the form of Gambian-born actor Babou Cessay. The RSPB reckons that gamekeepers are responsible for the decline in numbers of rare raptors, such as the hen harrier and the buzzard. Could Europe be prepared to adopt Shakespeare as the continent’s laureate in time for the 400th anniversary of the Bard’s death in 2016? Damien Hirst has split from his ‘gallerist’ Gagosian and it seems that the minister responsible for rail (don’t know, don’t care) uses an 80-grand-a-year car with a chauffeur from his Essex home so that he doesn’t have to suffer the commute on the, er, train. Sepp Blatter says that Milan were wrong to walk off the pitch in protest at racist abuse.

Monday 7 January
The real Ronaldo – the Brazilian player who lit up European football before the Portuguese version appropriated (or, to be fair, was christened with) his nomenclature – is to do a work placement at Sir Martin Sorrell’s WPP [see WoL passim ad nauseam] which is currently, although probably temporarily, based in London. As Nick Clegg and David ‘Dave-o’ Cameron relaunch their government (“No, really, we’ve got the hang of it and we’re going to really nail it this time”) Nick Forbes, leader of Newcastle city council, says decisions relating to local government should be taken out of the hands of ministers in favour of an apolitical funding body. The National Gallery has discovered that one of the paintings in its basement is actually a Titian; more visitors may now discover that the National Gallery has a basement, which is open to view. Claud Nobs, Swiss founder of the Montreux jazz festival, is in a coma after a serious skiing accident. Tokyo, Madrid and Istanbul are vying for the prize that is the 2020 Olympic Games.

Tuesday 8 January
After ten years of taking it easy, the Dame (aka David Bowie) releases a new single with a new album in the offing. Tate Modern announces that 2012 brought 5.3 million people through the door, a 9.5% increase on the previous year and a record for the gallery. The Department for Work and Pensions admits that the poorest will be hit the hardest in the new benefits policies. The V&A is to delay its Dundee outpost to make sure the money is available for the ambitious project, while business secretary Vince Cable announces plans to help the pub industry. Manchester City returns a good proportion of its ticket allocation for the game at Arsenal as City fans decide £62 is a bit much to swallow.

Wednesday 9 January
It seems that Lance Armstrong is planning to subject himself to the rigorous interviewing technique of Oprah Winfrey as he plans his post-conviction, pre-contrition return to the limelight. The makers of Monopoly try to create some sort of interest in the venerable board game by announcing a public process to decide upon a new playing piece.

Thursday 10 January
A survey of MPs reveals that they would ideally like a 32% pay rise, taking their basic to just north of £86,000. Selfridges in London has opened a silent room in which customers can be part of the store’s No Noise initiative, while Petworth House in Sussex will be hosting an exhibition of JMW Turner’s work, taking a number of his paintings back into the house in which they were painted. Back in London, the Shard opens its viewing deck to the public, although the £25 ticket price means it is not quite the public space that it might have been. The Rolling Stones get a Brits nomination, while Matthew Hancock, skills minister in a government that is dividing the nation into skivers and strivers, is berated for not getting out of bed in time for a breakfast TV appearance. Simon Rattle says that he will retire from his post at the Berlin Philharmonic in five years. Tom Daley thanks his mum for giving David Sparkes an epistolatory hand-bagging in her son’s defence; coming soon, Judy Murray arm-wrestles Roger Draper. Meanwhile BT is said to be preparing to spend further billions on sports rights to compete with Sky in the sport-on-television world series. In Rio de Janeiro Chilean artist Jorge Saron is found dead on the Lapa staircase that had become one of his most celebrated works.

Friday 11 January
It seems Jimmy Savile (the ‘Sir’ is now silent by general, horrified consent) may well have been the most prolific paedophile the nation has ever known, while the police admit that errors were made that prevented him being charged while he was still alive and still dangerous. And in not totally unrelated child protection news the UK Border Agency has apparently said that it will not be stopping using force against pregnant women or children, as HM Inspectorate of Prisons has suggested that it might. A picture of the Duchess of Cambridge by Paul Emsley comes under widespread scrutiny and the Turner Prize will be going to 2015. Confronted by a growing groundswell of protest by football fans against the price of tickets, the Premier League is grappling with the problem, with the first suggestion coming out of a hastily convened ‘blue-sky’ discussion being clubs obliged to provide free coach travel to fans to away games. On Planet UCI (which is in the same solar system as Planet Football) Dr Martial Saugy, director of the Swiss laboratory that carried out the UCI’s earliest EPO tests, admits that he did have dinner with Lance Armstrong and discussed the testing methodology but that he “remain[s] convinced” that he did not give Lance “the key to circumvent EPO tests”; he also denies claims that the UCI itself asked him to help Lance evade positive tests.

Saturday/Sunday 13/14 January
In Beijing pollution levels reach their highest-ever levels and artist Ai Weiwei posts pictures of himself in a gasmask to make the point. In the UK it snows a bit, while there is controversy over plans to develop visitor facilities and business infrastructure at Lulworth Cove in Dorset, part of the Jurassic Coast World Heritage site. Dig in for a year-long celebration of Benjamin Britten’s 100th birthday. To the surprise of many but the regret of few it seems that G4S is likely to lose out to the tune of £100 million after its London 2012 security fiasco.

Monday 15 January
Women’s sport is on the front pages with reports that Sarah Taylor, the England wicketkeeper already hailed at the age of 23 as one of the best female cricketers of all time, could be playing for the Sussex second XI this summer. Liz Forgan marks the end of her tenure as chair of Arts Council England with a lecture that warns the education secretary against the abandonment of cultural education. Music retailer HMV calls in the administrators and American poet Sharon Olds wins the TS Eliot prize for the best new collection published in the UK.

Tuesday 16 January
Tate Britain is to host an exhibition of the work of LS Lowry this summer, the first major retrospective of his work since his death in 1976. Warning: Dan Brown is to publish a new novel featuring the hero of The Da Vinci Code. Meanwhile, as Mali collapses into civil war there is a focus on the banning of music across the two thirds of the country controlled by the Islamist insurgents. Lance Armstrong sits down for a quiet chat with Oprah, while Halfords is to stock Pinarello bikes, as ridden by Wiggo and his merry men, from the spring. Lloyd Cowan is to be UK Athletics’ new sprint coach and Gordon Strachan is named as the new manager of Scotland’s footy team.

Wednesday 17 January
To the surprise of almost no one Blockbuster calls in the administrators. To the surprise of almost no one cheap burgers are found to contain horse meat; the use of the word ‘contaminated’ in many reports is moot as any meat content whatever its provenance could be said to be an asset. Meanwhile, to the surprise of almost no one the English National Opera reveals losses of £2.2 million for 2011/12; it filled “only 71% of its seats” during this period, which came as a surprise to some. Camelot have listened carefully to the national mood in these troubled times and has decided to double the cost of playing the national lottery anyway. Pep Guardiola, currently the most sought-after manager on Planet Football, announces that he will be joining Bayern Munich in the summer, confounding those that assumed the financial clout and hyperbole of the English Premier League would make the Chelsea job irresistable. And talking of hyperbole, the NBA is on the road and in London for a game between the Knicks and the Pistons. At the Australian Open Heather Watson makes it into the third round, alongside, albeit in the men’s competition, Andy Murray; Laura Robson is still in the hat in round two.

Thursday 17 January
The rumours are true: the Tour de France is going to start in Yorkshire in 2014, spending three days in the UK before getting back across La Manche. Still on Planet Pedal, Mayor Boris has appointed journalist Andrew Gilligan to a well-paid, part-time post as his cycle tsar, qualifications for which seem to be (i) to have spent a massive amount of time using the Evening Standard to ensure that Boris became mayor and (ii) the ability to ride a bike. Glastonbury is to put the music of Mali at the heart of its programme this year. It seems that MS Dhoni was spotted by a cricket coach while a 12-year-old Dhoni was playing in goal for a football team playing on the same ground as the cricket team. With the Tour (aka T’Tour) coming to Leeds, the NBA says that it quite fancies adding Manchester to its itinerary after the success of its London games. Laura Robson wins in Australia, reaching round three of the Australian Open. Luis Suarez’s manager, Brendan Rodgers, says that Suarez’s admission of diving is “unacceptable”, although whether this is because he did it or he admitted it is unclear. Meanwhile, supporters’ groups warn the Premier League that they risk an entire generation being lost to football owing to the high ticket prices, prompting the Premier League and the FA to put their fingers in their ears and shout “La, la, la, la, we can’t hear you” until they go away.

Friday 18 January
It’s still snowing across the UK. The government is to give multinational corporations preferential access to ministers in some sort of neoliberal buddy system; what could possibly go wrong? Lance Armstrong tells Oprah Winfrey, well, not much really but does confirm what a corruscating, first-rate arse he really is. Will Self may well become a writer in residence for Radio 4 and the Royal Institution may well be about to sell its listed headquarters to stave off financial ruin, showing just how influential the leisure industry has become as an exemplar of professional development. Shane Sutton is to step down as Team Sky’s head coach but will still play a role with British Cycling on occasions.

Saturday/Sunday 19/20 January
Sir Roy Strong says that galleries are playing it far too safe with their exhibitions and programmes. The all-party parliamentary cycling group is getting ready hear evidence this week for its inquiry into how to promote cycling in the UK. A new biography of Benjamin Britten will reveal that he died of tertiary syphilis, while the BBC apologise for not spotting a Jimmy Savile reference in an old episode of The Tweenies that went out on CBeebies very early on Sunday morning, even though only three and four year-olds will have been watching (their parents would be dozing nearby) and they have no idea who Sir Jimmy was or why he was knighted. Someone has uncovered a pile of Andy Warhol’s early drawings, which reveal just how limited his technical ability was. President Obama is sworn in for a second term and talks of an end to a decade of war and the start of a growing economy; in the UK the banking sector is talking of an unprecedented triple-dip recession and a lost decade of economic torpor.

Monday 21 January
Tough financial circumstances for charities leave many of them unwilling or unable to speak out against government policy for fear of jeopardising funding contracts, according to research. Further research has suggested that asthma rates among children have fallen significantly since the smoking ban. The mayor of Bristol, George Ferguson, unveils a new vision for Bristol as a cultural beacon of invention, aestheticism and vibrancy, while, equally unlikely perhaps, Aung San Suu Kyi is going on Desert Island Discs. Turkey is said to be playing it tough with demands to return artefacts from museums around the world, while British violinist Vanessa Mae is hoping to represent Thailand in the winter Olympics; she’s taken a career break to pursue this snow-based dream. In Spain the local government of Valencia is now the owner of the football club of the same name following the club’s default on loan payments to the authority. President Obama is sworn in for his second term. Film director, restaurant reviewer and general oddity Michael Winner dies aged 77.

Tuesday 22 January
Ooh, did Beyonce mime the national anthem at the Obama inauguration? In Barnet the council’s attempt to model its service provision on the model of EasyJet is to be the subject of a high court challenge. The London Group of artists, which has included artists of the calibre of Sickert and Wyndham Lewis, is celebrating its centenary, while the suggest that Benjamin Britten died of syphilis is being contested. England’s netball team beat Australia for only the third time.

Wednesday 23 January
The Royal Shakespeare Company has secured the rights to stage Hilary Mantel’s novels. A right-wing thinktank suggests razing tower blocks to replace them with terraces and low-rise homes; the projects would be financed, apparently, by some sort of impressive property dealings. The long-awaited merger of UK Sport and Sport England has been permanently left off the to-do list and Hein Verbruggen, still of the UCI, says that there was nothing wrong with the governing body’s doping policy, although the evidence – all the evidence – suggests that he is talking out of his lanterne rouge. Meanwhile, Chelsea – Eden Hazard specifically – has taken to kicking ball boys, particularly those who are related to the chairman of the opposition.

Thursday 24 January
The International Monetary Fund, not a noted supporter of Keynesian economic theory these days, says that Little Georgie Osborne is making a grave error in continuing to cut, cut, cut while the economy of his nation is going down, down, down; “Don’t care,” says Little Georgie with his fingers in his ears. Meanwhile, David Cameron says it’s about time that some companies started paying a bit of tax occasionally and Nick Clegg, who has been railing against inequality for many years until his recent flirtation with government, says that he might send his son to a private school anyway. Clare Balding says that this is the moment for women’s sport, particularly the women’s football Super League. Olympic Games Makers are being urged to volunteer at sports clubs by the Join In trust. Hein Verbruggen now admits that management of his financial affairs was, in part, undertaken by the company that was owned by the head of Lance Armstrong’s US Postal team; but, of course, there had been no wrongdoing. Elsewhere Bradley Wiggins suggests that Armstrong may well be “a lying bastard” and London’s Olympic stadium will be hosting a Diamond League athletics meeting this summer, despite the fact that many of the facilities required to host such an event were put in a skip some time ago.

Friday 25 January
Andy Murray wins through to the final of the Australian Open, while in Arkansas the town of Dyess is hoping to generate some tourism by virtue of its status as Johnny Cash’s home town. In the world of comics it seems that Judge Dredd may be the latest super hero to be forced out of the closet and the Britten syphilis story rumbles on with the attending anaesthetist describing the suggestion as ludicrous. The Charity Commission is investigating the Spiritualist Association, a charity that sold off its headquarters for £6 million and then saw the building sold on shortly after for £21 million. In a heart-warming tale of hard work and enterprise it seems that Africa’s first female billionaire just happens to be the daughter of the president of Angola, who maintains that continent’s tradition for coffer-draining crookedness.

Saturday/Sunday 26/27 January
Some research suggests that the perception of a marked decline in school sport is prevalent among parents, while Tessa Jowell says that there should be cross-party efforts to rescue the London 2012 legacy. Two art collectors, the Mancunian Frank Cohen and the Dane Nicolai Frahm, are to open a gallery to house their collections near the British Museum in London; the new gallery will be free to visit and include a bar. England’s netball players have now beaten Australia 3-0 in their home series and the government has paid off the British Olympic Association with a couple of million quid to enable companies that worked on delivering London 2012 to mention their involvement in the project. In Ulan Bator a museum previously dedicated to Lenin is to refocus on its impressive fossil collection. In Melbourne Andy Murray fails to lift the Australian Open title. Saracens play their first game on an artificial pitch. Olympic-medal-winning cox Acer Nethercott dies at the age of 35.

Monday 28 January
HS2: coming to a place near you, unless you live in Little Georgie Osborne’s constituency. Meanwhile, it seems Little Georgie has no problem having dinner with Rupert Murdoch, despite all the things that were said and done before and after Leveson. The government also thinks it is a good idea for nurseries and childminders to be able to look after more children and thinks that this will bring down costs to parents (it isn’t and it won’t). Two thirds of senior civil servants say they are disenchanted and ready to quit their jobs, while it seems the mania for reformed pop bands has now reached as far as the Boomtown Rats. In Rome fashion house Fendi is to fund the restoration work on the Trevi fountain and in Mali Islamist rebels set about burning all the ancient manuscripts they can find, an act decried as an assault on the world’s heritage. A study by Sheffield Hallam University reckons that a significant number of Super League clubs are on the brink of financial collapse.

Tuesday 29 January
The culture, media and sport select committee tells Planet Football to get its act together or face legislation. Hilary Mantel wins the Costa book of the year prize with Bring up the Bodies. At the Eden Project plans are announced to cut the staff and reassess the business model to cut costs by £2 million a year. In Portugal Garrett McNamara surfs a wave estimated to be in excess of 100 feet, a world record. The Office of Fair Trading is to investigate the dominance of AEG and Live Nation in the concert and event market, while WADA says that the UCI has been arrogant and deceitful in its suggestions that it gives a flying pig about investigating itself. Celebrated landscape architect John Hopkins dies aged 59.

Wednesday 30 January
Prince Charles gets on a tube train for the second time in 27 years and wonders what all the fuss is about; having travelled one stop, he then gets in a limousine to travel from the station to his destination which is all of 200m away. It seems that Clare Squires, the 30-year-old charity marathon runner who died at the end of last year’s London marathon, died as a result of a legal sports stimulant, since banned, that mimics the effect of amphetamine. Elton John is to perform at the Isle of Wight festival while in Rome the director of the Vatican’s museums warns against the dangers to the Italian nation’s heritage posed by ongoing systematic looting of the 16th-century Girolamini library. Back in London the founder of the G-A-Y bars and clubs, Jeremy Joseph, has bought the company from the administrators of HMV. Lance Armstrong says everyone was at it for ever, so it was actually nothing to do with him. The RFU has been advised to set up a national training hub by an independent review board.

Thursday 31 January
Staying classy, Becks is off to Paris to play for PSG, leaving his hefty salary for the five-month contract in the safe hands of a Parisian children’s charity. The British Library gets into the health market, suggesting that reading self-help books can be as effective as drugs for depression. Remember the highly necessary and effective bonfire of the quangos? Environment secretary Owen Paterson now says that the nation’s forests will be owned and managed by a new independent trust. Pinewood Studios puts in a new plan for significant expansion and a collection of 16th- and 17th-century sliver and gold worth £10 million has been bequeathed to the Ashmolean by antiques dealer Michael Wellby. A potash mine in the North York Moors national park could make millionaires of a number of farmers.